The doubts.....

Nothing new that i am one of the black sheeps amongst the fans of GACKT, and i am aware people might jump on me, or most likelly ignore this but, what i'm about to say is not to piss someone off or to make any sort of impression it's because i've had GACKT in my thoughts for the whole day and yesterday's evening and I have this bad feeling, so i need to put all of that DOWN somewhere, maybe it'll go away....Now, be aware that trying to explain things so people would undertsand isn't my bets ability, but i just need to get it all out in some sort of way.

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Changed the layout... not exctly liking but who cares, i rarelly post on here anyways. kinda no longer see a point. Maybe when i get into the suroundings i want people will be more interested, however i might no longer be...

oh, right... maybe just one thing i'm glad about, that i managed to participate in an other fan project. For Ayu this time. it was nice. And also it was  kind of nice to get into Ayu's f-list on twitter with my graphic's account. She's not following that, but at least she saw what i've got there. That's nice.


But in general....I'm a borring person, so no wonder this place is dead. I'm just doing nothing interesting everyday...fighting over trivial stuff with my bro, and in general wondering what on eartch am i doing on this planet...megh~ yeah....

The 11th of March

It's still the 11th here and i just discovered this little video of Ayu performing one of her old songs in Sendai on 6/16 in the last years arena tour. She is just such a lovelly human being. The performance is pretty emotional...

(also just a mere fact that it's also an anni for my country, celebrating the restoration of freedom)

i can't help it....sometimes... i guess...

first i wanna hear this LIVE then I wanna hug him real bad....and after that slip him out of that jacket and run with it.
that probably sounded like i am a jacket fangirl xD
no, surprisingly, i can still be a fangirl of GACKT and want to undress him so i can dress up >D THAT, my lovelly friends will never be helpped xD One thing that'll never change *wipes a tear*

EDIT: i guess i'll just leave a link since LJ is being an ass when it comes to dailymotion.. >_>

Winter ♥

i do like winter. -20C -8C it doesn't matter as long as it all white lol
I hadn't done any photos in a while because i have this stupid attitude "i need it NOW and with the view i see with MY EYES" with photo cameras. lol It gets frustrating very easily..>_>
My dad says i have an eye for a frame, i just need to get the technology-friendly attitude xD These, however, are nothing really special.
The frustration was over the top this time too. Everything seemed to be getting in the way of the camera, even my breathing...>_>
.....at least i had fun with photoshop in the end...

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The Perfect Portrait aka Fan's Illusion

There's still an ongoing disscussion on Ayu and her relationships. It's been more than a year since she divorced and it's been discussed all throughout with breaks, now when she announces that she's in a relationship again people brought it back up again. They say they are dissapointed, that she changed and is lying to people.
And i started thinking. Is it really she who's changed? or is it us that don't know certain parts of her?
Don't we all have that perfect image in out heads at some point of out favorite artists? Don't we all make the image in our heads throughout the times we see them on stage, in TV shows, magazines, hear the stuff they say and think "OMG THIS IS SO SWEET" etc. And it just doesn't click that thhey could be different? Do we really ahve a right to say that they are lying or that they changed? Thing is we know only the person THEY want us to know, it might be total lies and illusion it might be tiny tiny pieces of them that doesn't even make a 1% of their actual personality. I don't think we, fans, can take everything they portray as a person on TV, mags etc. for granted. Because the only people that got some real knowledge of what they are is they themselves and those very very close to them - family. They might have a right to say that a person changed, because they see them around and not for a breaf 3 minutes.
8 years, 10 years, 3 years, no matter how long you are a fan of someone you can not say you know them, you can asume tings about what their values and motives are, but you will never be sure for a fact..

And i'm like sitting, reading all those comments on Ayu and thinking "strange...why i don't go into such mode too?" I mean i do have a believing in her that she's a good person. I do have an image of her as a sweet, honest, adorabe, strong woman.  But somehow her as a person comes second to me. Same goes for GACKT, because i can only take their music for granted and the way they portray it on stage. Their talent will always be one thing i will take for granted because it's the only thing i can ACTUALLY see in full and out there. The improovement or the downhill, the change in style or the evolution of their voices, the skills.  Because that's always out there and in full without any hesistation or masks, it's either you can do it or you can't, you have a great crew around you or you don't, you have creativity or you don't. It's simple as that. I mean as complicated as that bussines is it's deffinitelly less complicated than getting to know a person through TV, magazines and interviews.
So i guess thats' why i try not to get into all the tabloid stuff and their personal lives much, i don't take that stuff for granted. Because you can be a 450 years old vampire, having a magnum in your pants and none will be able to check that (well you can check the vampire theory tho lol but u get my point right?) and you can be a talented musician and performer with great crew around you and songs in top 10 or even a living legend like Ayu.
Personality does show through in songs, but it's in my eyes very little and hidden under a gazillion metaphores. I believe that figuring out "_____-a musician" will bring you at some point to the "_______-a person" eventually.

Still as much as we would want we will never know them. And we i think should keep distance from the ideal romantic portraits and an open mind with things we hear around, because we can never know. Just in case it comes out as a fact, the illusion in your mind won't be broken because it never was fully there.

Music adventures ♥

You know i think i need a break from Ayu and GACKT. I've been feeding on them for so long now especially Ayu. After finding remembering some artists I figured i am slightly sick of the usual j-rock and pop.  And it felt incredible listening to the fresh music.

First i accidentally bumped into  a chinese singer a couple of days ago SingerSen. She's very new to music industry, but is deffinitelly very very unique. I acatually never heard anythign like that before. It's experimental with an influence of electro, pop and rock what adds to that is the flavour of folk she has there and her voice is very specific and deffinitelly not for everyone's taste.

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Also i remmebered one artist i liked way back when i was VERY new to j-music - KOKIA. She's amazing. I've been listening to her too these past few days. She's not your typical j-pop singer, she's not flashy, she has no grand shows, she's usually on stage barefoot and wears barelly any make-up. But always looks sincear,sweet, nice and classy. The best thing, she actually has a talent. She captures people with her voice and melodies. I think it's the only female Japanese singer that could beat GACKT with her vocals and her music. I think she's on the same level. Her songs are mostly ballads, where her vocal abilities just blossom in all beauty. She's also great in English. She had a few tours in Europe. I think for anyone who searches for something really of quality she's a must to give a shot.

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I am going to look for more artists like that. I feel like i need something differen in my music library. And um if anyone has something simmilar to suggest you are always welcome to do so!! :)

I know i change lyout like 376538275632785 times but....darn... i will keep this one for sure...



need to change the background tho >_>

new obsession....

i don't even notice how i dive into the other world and look 2 hours gone.... still not finished and working on this for like forever.....

Can you recognize her?


Update // out of LJ, me is

um just wanted to say that I am most probably abandoning my LJ, I might check my f-page for some stuff and news in general, but I see no point in posting entries anymore...I lost all connections with fandom except for a couple of people and all connections with people I used to talk.  So unless something EXTRAORDINARY happens like I get an offer to work for GACKT or Ayu (lol), or I need to just scream my head off, so in other words I am not posting anymore, if you want you can remove me from your f-list.....